I’m ready for the comments!
I am going to inch close to a third rail during this conversation even though it is not at all my intention to do so. I am going to run the risk of appearing judgmental although I really do not hold families in judgement. I am going to name the elephant in the room and point out the obvious. I am going to ask some difficult questions. I am going to make some suggestions. And I will do all of this in the spirit of trying to spark a valuable conversation and furthering the mission of our school and community…and will hope that I have built up enough credibility so that because I believe it is part of my job to raise precisely these questions that the only outcome will be an honest exchange of ideas.
Interested?
I have been in our wonderful school at this vibrant synagogue in this warm community for a few months now…
Here is an observation:
When Jewish Day Schools close for Jewish holidays they do so with the presumption that families need to be free to fulfill Jewish obligations. Yet so often, our school has closed for holidays such as Sukkot or Passover and the synagogue remains remarkably free of our students and families.
Blaming families is too easy.
The truth is, institutionally we have failed to bring the families of day school students along for the rides they have committed their children to, regardless of their motivations for doing so. Parents who themselves are unobservant and often Jewishly uneducated enroll their children in Jewish Day Schools for myriads of reasons – seeking their own Jewish journeys may be one them, but surely not always.
However, without the family – Judaism’s primary and preeminent educational institution – we are too often expecting too much of the children we are educating. It is not reasonable to expect children to be change agents for their parents. It is reasonable to use enrollment as the means to reach out to families and help move them with love along the path being carved out by their children.
What is being done?
I have taken a stab at this phenomenon in my former and current position. I teach an ongoing class for parents in our school with the stated purpose of helping parents understand and extend what we are doing in the Jewish Studies portion of our curriculum. I have encouraged clergy at our synagogue to offer learner’s minyanim so that the parents who are equally interested and intimidated by what their children are now capable of doing have an address to start to walk in their children’s footsteps. I have hosted many a Shabbat meal in my house for families to let them experience the beauty of Shabbat. There have been successes to be sure, but not the large scale culture change I (perhaps naively) have hoped for.
What can we do?
We can and must offer families compelling examples of synagogue life. Regardless of the age group being targeted, we have to provide appropriate, meaningful and spiritually satisfying experiences. I believe in Judaism and its ability to inspire. I believe if children and adults have an opportunity to learn and live Jewish lives, the positivity it generates becomes self-motivating. We have the responsibility to try to create those moments.
We must make people feel welcome when they enter our doors. We must learn the lessons of our friends at Chabad who do this so well – when you walk into their doors you feel valued and treasured, no matter who you are, no matter what you know and no matter where you are coming from. I’m not suggesting we are cold and unfriendly – this community is warm and loving. But we can always learn from others and strive do better. There is no worse feeling for an adult than to be made to feel uncomfortable and infantilized – we must ensure that those who muster up the courage (and yes, for some, it is a courageous act) to enter our doors that they are met with love and positivity so they want to come back.
This is our pledge.
The clergy, professionals, educators and staff at our school and the synagogue are dedicated to providing precisely the kinds of programming designed to achieve these goals. We are committed to making it worth the sometimes struggle of getting your children to shul. In this we are equal partners and can only achieve success by working together. We cannot ask you to fight the good fight and not deliver a program worthy of the effort. And so beginning this year with Shavuot we hope to blaze a new path forward. Stay tuned – We will be offering new programs and new ideas for experiencing this special holiday – targeted to different populations at different times. We hope you choose a program that interests you and join us in making this holiday fuller and richer than it would otherwise be in your absence.
Have I gone too far? I pray not. I recognize the fatigue that comes with being in the same building day after day after day. I am not naive to the ways in which life interferes in the best laid plans. I know how important extracurricular experiences and family vacations are. But I also know we can work together make Judaism come alive OUTSIDE the school – in shul and in homes – in powerful ways which only create more opportunities for sacred moments and lifelong memories. It is work I look forward to engaging in with you as active partners.
Discuss.
Well said Jon! Ty for having the courage to say what many of us feel everyday! If we, as parents, do not enforce what MJGDS teaches, then we are evading our duty as parents, as Jews. Chabad does a wonderful job of making EVERYONE feel welcome. We could learn a lot from their continually practiced mitzvahs.
Jon,
I look forward to experiencing the synagogue life you are describing. Thank you for having the courage to lead the way for our school families to become more educated and excited about living Jewishly.
Powerful blog post – thank you, Jon! We’re also interested in and open to experiencing meaningful, uplifting Jewish festivals and services with our MJGDS family. One thing to keep in mind is that not all of our students are members of the JJC; our school welcomes students from Reform, Orthodox, Reconstructionist as well as Conservative Jewish backgrounds. While it is wonderful to invite families that are affiliated elsewhere to participate in JJC services and events, how do we reassure them that they are welcome to be part of the MJGDS community regardless?
It is definitely the case that we serve a broader population than the Jacksonville Jewish Center and a wider range of affiliations beyond the Conservative Movement. The broader message would be one of hoping and striving that in synagogues that hold services for the holidays our school closes for – that there, too, we would find seats with our families in them and if not, that more could be done to encourage their presence. I imagine, however, the picture is similar across the board, especially amongst our non-Orthodox and unaffiliated families. Because we do have a special relationship with the Center, if offers us an opportunity and a responsibility to provide programming and welcome to all. We should look to MJGDS families to be active participants in their shuls of choice AND look to the Center to be a home to all who are seeking one.
To our fearless leader: Right on!