Yesterday was a milestone “Community of Kindness” day at the Martin J. Gottlieb Day School. I had the distinct pleasure of speaking with two parents of students who had been sent to the principal’s office because they had been caught in the act of being kind.
We had our monthly faculty meeting earlier in the week and I reminded teachers that although I have often requested students be sent to me for committing acts of good behavior, no one had taken me up on it! Perhaps I had not explained myself well enough; perhaps people thought I hadn’t really meant it; or perhaps we had not yet evolved past the reactive putting out of behavioral fires to the proactive inspiration of behavioral lovingkindness. For whatever reason, something must have struck a cord because yesterday two different teachers referred students to my office who had been “caught being kind”.
The first referral came early in the day. A lower school boy had performed above and beyond during Art and so a note came down to my office letting me know. The teacher had to scribble over our typical referral note which only has a way for teachers to indicate misbehavior. Noticing that was a useful wakeup call. If we are going to take it seriously, then we have to institutionalize it. If we use referral notes for misbehavior…maybe we need referral notes for kind behavior.
How often to principals or heads of school get to call parents with good news?
I can assure you based on the parent’s reaction that the correct answer is, “Not often enough!”
If each time the school calls it is to inform the parent that their child has misbehaved (or is sick or forgot their lunch), one imagines that when the phone rings and the school’s phone number comes up in the “caller ID”, the parent is not exactly excited to pick up. But if just every now and again we are calling to let them know how proud we are of their child?
The second referral came near the end of the day from a Middle School Math Teacher. I received a note that a student in her class had acted with “extreme kindness” towards another student in the class. I managed to catch the student in carpool to shake his hand and let him know how proud I was of him before he headed home.
If every time you were sent to the “principal’s office” it was because you were in trouble, you probably wouldn’t want to be hanging out in that part of the building. And if a principal only spent his or her time with students referred for misbehavior, there would be a significant gap in relationships. That handshake in the parking lot meant as much to me as it did to the student I can assure you…
From our Fifth Grade:
“Caught Being Kind”
In 5th grade, we have two student “kindness ambassadors.” This is a job students for which students apply and receive a salary. The jobs switch approximately once a month.
Currently, our Kindness Ambassadors are Jagger and Jeremy, and they are doing a great job noticing kindness, as well as alerting teachers to issues so they can be nipped in the bud.
Here are two “caught being kind” photos taken and shared with me by the Kindness Ambassadors.
raising hand before speaking
Helping
As part of developing a spirit of leadership in our school as part of incorporating the 7 Habits, how wonderful would it be if each of our students – and our parent and teachers – held the additional title of “Kindness Ambassador”!
So I look forward to more students being sent to my office for the right reasons, to ensuring we focus on positively rewarding kind behavior as much, if not more, than applying consequences to unkind behavior, and that when the phone rings in the home of an MJGDS parent and the school comes up in the “caller ID” that the emotion it triggers is excitement and not dread. Pick up the phone when we call…your child may have been caught in the act of being kind!
I love the idea of noticing the positive! I once called a parent to say how good their student was doing, and the parent was so scared when they first answered the phone because the parent is so used to negative phone calls. Great post!